Practically There

Wine 101-03:Vinous Vernacular

Alright group, it seems to me that if we combine what we have learned thus far in our introduction to wine (Refer to Wine 101-02: The Nose Knows) with the bits and pieces of information that we have individually acquired over the years and multiply the sum by that which we have assumed or simply made up, the product would be just enough knowledge to get ourselves into trouble. That being said, I am going to further compound the matter by imparting to you a few terms and expressions, aficionado slang as it were, to be, when necessary, asserted with great thought and authority so that you too can appear scholarly and sophisticated (shorthand for pretentious) at any cocktail party or wine-tasting.

All right - well balanced is easier and more pleasurable to drink.

BOUQUET - snooty surrogate for "smell"

COMPLEX - a wine that has a number of different flavors that sort of interact with each other is considered complex instead of merely fruity. In contrast, the neighbor who mows his lawn in a housecoat, shower cap and snowmobile boots is fruity. Just plain fruity.

EARTHY - exactly what it sounds like - the flavor that a wine picks up from the soil that the grapes are grown in. It doesn't sound good BUT its far more desirable then pulling fuzzy things off of an Oreo when you have exceeded the 5-second rule.

FAT - full-bodied; a compliment in wine terms. Not so much in real life.

FIRM - usually used to describe a red wine's fitness to age. (*Firm and fitness are not two words that are organically in my vocabulary - fleshy, now that one I know.)

FLESHY - used to describe lush and fruity wines. Also used to describe other things in the general vicinity of my midriff.

LEGS - the streaks that run down the sides of a glass after the wine has been swirled. A wine with more alcohol or are very sweet tend to have "legs". Also, used to describe a couple of somethings Mel Gibson has that look very nice under a kilt…did that sound, well, just wrong?

LENGTH - the endurance of a wines taste. If the flavor lingers in the mouth it is considered "long in the mouth"; one that fades quickly is considered "short". And I am just going to let you make up your own jokes for this one.

ROUNDED - Smooth, pleasant and easy to drink. No joke. Really.

TANNIC - used for red wines, denoting a certain harsh quality - ALTHOUGH you will be glad to know that youthful wines that are tannic often mature very well. So, there is still hope for your teenager, too - he or she is not rotten and ungrateful - just tannic.

Hey, now that's just me talking.

"Knowledge is of two kinds. We know a subject ourselves, or we know where we can find information upon it."
- Samuel Johnson