Practically There

Autumn Crisp

I lied. All right, it was sort of a white lie. No, no it was really something closer to an anemic anecdote with traces of the truth strewn about it like fertilizer on a spring lawn.

Little story. I used to have a paying job, you know an actual 9 to 5 kind of deal, working for the municipality that I currently live in and, may I add, a town that took the "fun" out of dysfunctional. At least most dysfunctional communities have the good sense to be amusing; apparently our township just didn't have any sense at all. But, I digress; this is fodder for another piece. Long story short, I was summoned to an Appreciation Day at the Town Park. Now, the Parklands Committee has put on this soirée annually for the last few years and boy, do they work their green little thumbs to the bone to make it a festive event. Well, having some poverty of self esteem or other need to people-please, before it had even registered in my brain that my mouth was moving had I offered to bring something, "Anything you need," I said, "Anything I can do to help." I am an idiot. Please don't get me wrong, I am always happy to help out when I can, it is just that I seem incapable of saying "I'm sorry, I can't" and therefore get my self into more bake-sale-chairperson-sure-I'll-sell-tickets-no-problem-my-weekend-is-yours kind of predicaments than the average sap. Actually, the Parklands Committee went easy on me and merely asked for a dessert item. Wow, that's too easy. Sure. Done. And it was added to the twelve other things that I had said that I would do on that day.

Now for a tiny bit of insight into my tiny little psyche - I will volunteer to do things BUT then whatever I volunteer to do HAS to be the best something at hand. It must be more creative, more intricate, and more stylish; it must have a better story behind it, more, more, more… So, in this particular case I spent the first of the two weeks before the luncheon pouring over cookbooks, magazines and the Internet looking for a dessert recipe that would astound and amaze. Then over the span of the next week, my interest waned a bit as I had found a couple of recipes that I was positive would be ideal so the pressure was off, so off in fact that by the day of the event I had completely forgotten about it. Oh, yeah, that's me. Idiot squared. The food was to be served at 10:30am EST and it was 7:39am when I in my-one-socked-I-don't-wear-frilly-lingerie-because-if-there's-a-fire-at-3-in-the-morning-dammit-I-will-be-wearing-sweatpants-in-front-of-the-neighbors-now-I-need-a-second-cup-of-coffee-so-I-can-open-the-other-eye fashion realized that there was little more than chick peas, elbow pasta and some stale Pixie Stix in the cupboard. Not really sufficient to make a sweet indulgence that would render luncheon guests speechless. There was the chance that they would never speak to me again, but I doubt that they would be speechless. And then in my caffeine enhanced panic I had a childhood memory, an instantaneous and vivid little snippet of the past. It's funny just how those synapses start firing away in the ol' cranium and suddenly you are musing on things that you haven't thought of in years. I had a very good friend named Carole, actually she was my best friend and I was envious of her because whenever I would go over to her house they always had the BEST food. Her mom would make things like fritters or toasted cheese sandwiches and pour tall glasses of whole milk for us when we got off of the school bus and I was convinced that Carole was just about the luckiest girl that I had ever met because when she came home from school her house smelled like warm bread and hot oil. One of my very favorite things that her Mom would make was something called "Dump Cake". At 10 years old I had never come across anything like it in my short little life, but once I had a taste of it I was hooked. What amazed me was that this concoction was so scrumptious AND so easy. No measuring. No stirring. Just, well… dumping.

Having returned to my moment of panic after my sojourn down memory lane, I realized the answer was right there in front of me and it was warm and scooped onto a small white plate placed on Carole's dining room table with a tall cold glass of whole milk sitting just up and to the right. Dump Cake. That is what I would make for the Volunteer Appreciation Day. I must have enough ingredients; I mean it really is rather subjective at to what you put into a Dump Cake. Some people use cherry filling, others use apple, some use chocolate cake-mix, others white or yellow. Yes, nuts. No nuts. Coconut. Maybe pineapple. Whatever you have and whatever you like is what goes into the cake. Then it's topped with butter. So, there is no real down side to this dessert, because if nothing else, everything tastes good with butter on it. So, Dump Cake I made; Two in fact, and just in a nick of time.

Well, the event went off with without a hitch and wasn't the dessert that I had prepared just the hit of the party. "Isn't that just the tastiest thing that I have ever had," they said, "It is truly wonderful, what is it called? You simply MUST give us the recipe!" And this is where the story comes full circle and the lying thing comes to light. As I stood there basking in these lovely compliments my mind was going full tilt thinking, "Pam, you pompous ass, you cannot honestly tell them that this is nothing more than Dump Cake, something akin to emptying your cabinets and cooking it. They'll think that you didn't try hard enough. They'll think you're a rube." Meanwhile, the logical side of my brain was saying, "What is wrong with you? Just tell them how easy it is, be a real person with scruples and not a pretentious jerk." I am sorry to say that "Pretentious Jerk" won out and in my moment of weakness I answered their question: "Thank you, thank you. This, oh, this is called an Autumn Crisp. Isn't it simply delightful with a nice vanilla bean ice cream?" I lied. As the words left my mouth, I thought, "Who is that talking? It sounds like me, but, but I hate smug snobs and that person talking is a smug snob if ever I heard one."

At that moment, with absolute impeccable timing, a wonderful young lady of 80-odd years said, "Well, it certainly is good. It tastes like something that I used to make called Dump Cake. Don't mind if I help myself to a little more." Yes, I am an idiot.

So, there we are. Now, you know my secret. Autumn Crisp is Dump Cake. I am feeling so much better now. I really am not a food snob, or any kind of snob really but I think sometimes that those of us whose self-confidence isn't all that it probably should be tend to try to fit our square-peg selves into big-old-round-social-holes, only to find that not only have we splintered ourselves and damaged an already shaky sense of self but that we have become, if only by appearances, the very thing that we disdain. I used to joke that if I wasn't me I would want to be my own best friend. You know what? I believe it's true. In coming clean I have a whole new appreciation for myself and I believe that I can now boldly shout from the rooftops, "I make Dump Cake and it is good!"

But, that's just me talking.

"A man desires praise that he may be reassured, that he may be quit of his doubting of himself; he is indifferent to applause when he is confident of success."
- Alec Waugh, On Doing What One Likes

Recipe for Autumn Crisp, I mean Dump Cake

1 can Pie Filling (Cherry or apple or blueberry or rhubarb or mix them, whatever - I like cherry)
1 can crushed pineapple (not necessary but I like it)
1 box yellow cake mix (or white, or chocolate, whatever- I use yellow)
2 sticks of butter
Nuts, Coconut (optional)

Preheat oven to 350. In a 9 X 13 cake pan pour pie filling into pan. On top of that pour pineapple, but don't mix. Sprinkle over that the box of cake mix. Top with nuts. Slice butter and place over top until mostly covered. Bake for about 30 minutes but it may take up to an hour. You will know that it is done when the top is browned and bubbly. Serve with a nice vanilla bean ice cream or just plain vanilla ice cream. (Hey, whipped cream is good, too!)