Practically There

Are You Regular?

Why is it that just when I think I have made progress on the societal and cultural fronts, inevitably I turn to find that I am three steps behind where I had begun and five steps behind everyone else? Now, stay with me on this as I will eventually come to a point. OK, little story - I was watching a television show, which will remain unidentified BUT the hostess is a lovely bazillionaire with a book club and a production company and a magazine and great hair and I think you know who I am talking about. Anyway, on this episode there was a segment devoted to personal reflection and, oh, I don't know, getting in touch with one's inside being or contacting your inner child or maybe it was poking an inland neighbor, something like that. Well, this one particular segment featured a very well dressed woman and her very well dressed daughter both of whom apparently begin each morning by lighting candles and meditating before the school bus arrives to instill a sense of purpose and tranquility to their day (no, the bus does not arrive to instill a sense of purpose; I have a syntax impediment and suffer from comma apprehension. Okay?!) So, I am watching this and all the while the camera repeatedly pans back to the audience, and they are all nodding their heads and “ohhhing” and “ahhhing” in concurrence, like they all do the exact same thing at the crack of dawn. Meanwhile, I am thinking, "Great, yet again have I failed my children."

You see, I have no morning mantra, aside from the occasional, "How many times do I have to tell you that you that root beer is not a food group or a breakfast beverage?" and "Is that shirt clean? It doesn't smell clean. Who do I write the check out to? Why do I have one lunch leftover?"

Nor do I meditate. I tried it once. I was awakened at the end of the session and told that my snoring was keeping the others from "centering", could I please not return. This, of course, brings us to why I certainly would never attempt to meditate AND light candles at the same time as I would most surely set something ablaze, but would sleep through it seeing as how I was “meditating” and all. I guess what I am questioning is just why is it that we are all so anxious to be something that, in our natural state, we are not. I am not a Martha wannabe; I do not have the energy. I mean if lighting candles and finding the focus of your day is your thing, great. Go for it! But please, please, please do not look down upon me and "my kind" because we are not enlightened or conversant in the ways of the culturally savvy. I still bake birthday cakes with extra frosting to fill in the basin-like depression in the center, I am partial to those little meals in plastic bags that you put into boiling water, I do not have a personal trainer (heck, I don't even work out), I am still not quite sure how to eat a pomegranate (or if I even spelled it correctly) and my children's morning ritual does not involve Neti pots and tranquility. What it really comes down to is that my ritual may not be your ritual; you seek peace and harmony, I seek two matching socks. And while we may not have much else in common, our goals, I suspect, are ultimately the same - we just want our kids to have a great day, make themselves proud and to come back to us safe and sound. Frankly, the rest is just window dressing.

But that’s just me talking.

"I wish they would only take me as I am."
-Vincent Van Gogh, Dear Theo: Autobiography of Vincent Van Gogh